forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
50% drunk capacity currently
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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