eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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