mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
