we have pet lesbian snakes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
