how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ketchup is God's man juice
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize