There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
