this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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