if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize