plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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