i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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