Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
