You're completely useless in the revolution.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
