I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
