i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
