she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
