she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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