I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
