I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
