forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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