Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
