Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
