We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize