that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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