i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
