How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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