Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
