After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
