He is such a slut. More and more my type.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
