remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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