you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
