i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
