i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
