I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
