I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
