If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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