Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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