I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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