Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
