I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
