I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
