we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
not ubering you a puppy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
