Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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