Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
