i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
