I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize