I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
