He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
