I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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