She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize