What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
