Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
