I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
