So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
