I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
