i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
