she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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