I puked a lego.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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