well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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