Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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