Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize