i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
