If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
