do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
