I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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