I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
