i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
