mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
