so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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