i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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