I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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