is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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