paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
