Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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