Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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