Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
