Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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