He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize