my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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