i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
