Kiss
Puke
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
