the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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