only if we run a train.
done.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize