Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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