i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
