My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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