ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
