can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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