Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
