i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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