She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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