party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize