nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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