Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
