While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
