I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
