when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
