I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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