You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
