I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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