dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Randomize
