I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
