Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
