i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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